Husband 1.0

[liljim]

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition,Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and house cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating
system. Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should
then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband
1.0 to default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please
remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.WAV files. Do NOT install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program: Girlfriend 9.2, which runs
in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating System. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5 combined with such applications as Bikini 4.7 and that old stand-by Lingerie 6.9 which have both been credited with improved performance of his hardware.

Signed, Tech Support

[PCguy]

Some how I missed this post. Funny!

[badpolarbear]

Just remember life is just like Windows. We have tools to run it, options how to run it and every now and then something crashes. May I suggest you run a serious system scan on the guys? Perhaps Brain Fart 10.0 would be a good idea?

[distrautuser]

Dear Desperate
I understand completely. My suggestion would be to confide in husband 1.0 about the errors and that you would prefer romance 9.9 be reinstalled to improve the operating system.

[brad]

With all due respect here's the sequel:

UPGRADING TO HUSBAND 1.0

Dear Tech Support:
Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as
DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!
Sincerely, Helpless

Dear Helpless:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to
get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend
6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a
wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company
as an integral part of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems,
regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command
"C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command.
Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly
files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save
yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all
GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all
the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it
does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally
recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.
After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will
find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause
selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only
Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.
We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

brad

[brad]

And the rebutal:

Dear IT Technical Support,
I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded
from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began
unexpected child processing
and also took up a lot of space and valuable
resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all
other programs and launches
during system initialization where it monitors all
other system activity.
Applications such as Guys Night Out 2.5, and Smoking
5.3 no longer run and crash the system whenever
selected. Attempting to
operate Saturday Soccer 6.3 always fails but
Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs
instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background whilst
attempting to
run any of my favorite applications. I am thinking
about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0 but uninstall doesn't work on this
program.
Can you please help?
Casey


Reply from Technical Support


Dear Casey, this is a very common problem resulting
from a basic misunderstanding. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend
7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES &
ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife
1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run
everything.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and
still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this
and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program
files from the system once installed. Some people have tried to install
Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See
in manual under limony / Child Support and Solicitors
Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C: \I APOLOGISE program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-key. It
may be necessary to run C:\ I APOLOGISE a number of times
but hopefully, eventually the operating system will return to
normal.
Wife 1.0 although is a very high maintenance program,
it can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying
additional software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not under
any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version) or Just a
Good Friend ver Female as this is not a supported application and incompatible for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly crash.

Regards,

Technical support

brad

[badpolarbear]

I wonder if wife 1.0 has considered looking fo a crack for husband 1.0?

[liljim]

im not sure about that badpolarbear,but you can bet husband 1.0 has found wife 1.0 crack.